Try as you might, there is utterly no way to connect us—individually or collectively—to the Deepwater Horizon disaster of 2010. This is perhaps our most commendable accomplishment, to date.

Go ahead and watch that entire 60-minute documentary on the devastating explosion that claimed 11 lives and discharged an estimated 4.9 million barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico over four months, and try to find any mention of Cultivated Wit, any of its employees, or even any of its employees’ extended family. You won’t find a single one. That’s because one of the most significant things this company has accomplished in its history is having nothing whatsoever to do with the BP oil spill.

In fact, here: we have already completed a Google search for you. You can dig all you like in an attempt to refute our fine work, but Cultivated Wit takes great pride in having no relationship with Hyundai Heavy Industries who constructed the well, no relationship with Transocean who owned it, and certainly no relationship with the operator and pricipal developer of the Deepwater Horizon, BP.

Displaying our level of committment to this project, Cultivated Wit has never even worked with an oil company, nor have we ever engaged in business with a mining, drilling, digging, or otherwise environmentally disruptive institution of any kind. The closest affiliation we have to this calamity that affected more than 8,000 marine species and devastated the local economy was nothing more than having driven a car in our respective pasts. This act that makes us no more guilty of an involvement than most any other American.

If you or your company has any interest in not participating in history-making debacles, please contact us at answeringmachine@cultivatedwit.com. We are always looking for partners to join us in not destroying the future.